Listening is the heart of communication.
In recent years, much has been written and said about active listening and its benefits. Done right, it helps the other person feel heard and understood. But unfortunately, that’s not always how it pans out.
From my experience, listening only works when it’s intentional. Intentions drive the process. Techniques are just tools. Take sales, for example. Reps have long been told, “When your client speaks, stay quiet.” It’s a common technique, still used today, it doesn’t guarantee a meaningful exchange or true understanding on its own.
How to listen with intention
Right off the bat, show the other person that you value them and care about what they’re saying. Look them in the eye with honesty and attention.
Put aside anything that could distract you: the paper on your desk, your phone, or even the nagging thoughts about late employees or slipping productivity. Listening is, in itself, a form of generosity.
Focus fully on the person: their voice, their body language, their words. Stay open to all ideas and perspectives, and accept differences without judgment.
Don’t try to think for the other person or give unsolicited advice. Saying things like, “If I were you, I’d do this or that,” only shuts people down.
We also tend to interpret or judge what’s being said as the conversation unfolds, a habit that stifles real connection.
Above all, listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. Try it. You’ll see it demands more attention and focus, but it’s worth it.
Practice reformulation
Use phrases like:
- “If I understand you correctly…”
- “You mean that…”
- “What I’m hearing is…”
Just be careful not to parrot words mechanically. You’ve probably had that experience on the phone, where the intent is gone and only the technique remains. And yep, it shows.
With practice, patience, and a willingness to rethink your own approach, you’ll develop intentional, natural listening. You’ll build stronger connections with clients, employees, and colleagues, while fostering a climate of trust and openness.
“Hearing is not the same as listening, because hearing is a sense, but listening is an art.”
— Anonymous
